Always Yours Read online

  I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to answer her. There was only one reason why I didn't want to come and her name was Cara. I had no clue if she was even going to be here but the thought of running into her made me sick. I wasn't ready yet.

  Spotting Blake and Matt, I quickly introduced Amber to them to change the topic. While they were shaking hands I frantically looked around for Cara, but she was nowhere to be seen. My gaze landed on Tessa as she approached us. She and Blake had worked their shit out and I didn't know how I felt about it. I liked Tessa but right now her face was contorted into a look of disgust and she was staring straight at me like she wanted to hurt me.

  Maybe coming tonight wasn't such a good idea.

  I could feel the tension between Amber and Tessa as I introduced them. There were all smiles but something was just off.

  “Cam, baby, can you run along and get me a drink? Vodka and Cranberry—and don’t forget the ice,” Amber asked me. I looked around the group and they were all staring at me with wide eyes.

  What the fuck was wrong with everyone?

  Shrugging my shoulders I headed over to the garage.

  I poured Amber her vodka and cranberry and then turned around to grab a beer out of the cooler when I saw Cara. I was rooted to the ground like a fucking tree. She was actually more stunning than I remembered. The white shorts she was wearing showed off her tan legs and the red sparkly top made her glow. I was drawn to her, and without willing them, my feet began to move towards her.

  I was almost to her—almost close enough to reach out and touch her - when some fucking guy wrapped his arms around her waist. Time and movement stood still. I couldn't hear anything but the rushing of blood pulsing in my ears. The only thing I could see was the radiant, beaming smile on Cara's face.

  "Blake, this is Nolan," I heard her say as the world slowly caught up to me.

  The cocksucker?

  All my anger and all my frustration exploded from my gut, causing me to release a low, depraved growl. Not wanting to catch Cara's eyes, I lowered my head and stomped back over to Amber. Handing the drink to her I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her to me—I needed a distraction. She rose to the occasion as always, pushing up on her tiptoes, she started tongue fucking my mouth.

  "Why is she here?" Amber asked as she watched Cara on the dance floor a few hours later.

  "Because she's friends with Tess," I explained.

  "I should go tell her what I really think of her," she grumbled. Amber had a hard time keeping her mouth shut. She always gave her two cents even if it wasn't asked for. I didn't need her making things with Cara worse than they already were.

  "Just ignore her, alright?" I warned, taking another shot. This was my fifth of the night and I was starting to feel it. I just wanted to get drunk, make it through the night, and have Amber fuck Cara out of my head. The way Amber was glaring at Cara though, I had a feeling she had other plans.

  I stood up to go get another drink. "I'm serious, Amber, keep your mouth shut and leave her alone."

  She nodded her head as she stared at Cara, dismissing me with a wave of her hand.

  I walked over to the garage to get another drink. I took another beer out of the cooler, popped the top and tipped the bottle to my mouth. In the corner of the garage, Blake and Tessa were talking to a very distraught Lexi. She was sitting on a bucket, holding ice to her knuckles while Tess rubbed consoling circles on her back.

  The bullshit that was going down at this party was enough to give me a fucking stroke. Between Cara showing up with that cocksucker, Lexi punching Matt's girlfriend in the face, and having to keep Amber in check, it felt like I was on daytime television—the only thing missing was Maury and some DNA tests.

  All this shit was a buzz killer and it was pissing me off. I poured myself another shot and slammed it down, trying to numb my head and silence the stage show that was surrounding me. It was working fine until I heard a shrill, bitchy voice echo through the night like one of those whistling fireworks. My pulse spiked when I turned towards the shrieking sound and saw people hovering in a circle around the dance floor. Closing my eyes, I let out a disgruntled sigh.

  Fucking Amber.

  Part of me wanted to leave. I didn't even want to be a part of whatever it was she was doing, but the other part of me knew whatever she was doing, she was doing it to Cara and that made my feet move. As I got closer and the crowd parted, I could see Cara and Amber, only a few inches apart, standing face to face.

  Cara was visibly shaking, her hands balled into fists at her sides, her knuckles white from the pressure. She looked like a panther ready to pounce on its prey. Amber was the exact opposite; with her hands on her hips she stood unruffled and collected as she stared down at Cara.

  "Cam told me all about you, Cara. How you like to run when things get tough. So what are you going to do now, huh? Are you going to run like the little whore that you are?" Amber shouted at her.

  What the hell was she doing?

  Cara didn't move, she didn't even blink. The only movement was the deep rise and fall of her chest as she breathed in.

  A wave of silence fell over the party. Tessa and Lexi came barreling through the crowd, almost knocking me over as they tried to get to Cara and I followed in their wake. I needed to stop Amber, take her away from Cara before she could do any more fucking damage. I knew Cara was strong but no one deserved what Amber was dishing out.

  Walking up behind Amber, I went to reach for her when the cocksucker appeared behind Cara, placing his hands on her shoulders. The way her body relaxed from his touch made jealousy and anger fill my gut and I froze. I wanted to punch him, I wanted to rip his fucking dick off and shove it down his throat until he choked on it. He had what I wanted. He was comforting my girl.

  Amber's voice pulled me from my trance. "He didn't care about you. You know that, right?"

  I wanted to punch Amber myself for that comment. My eyes connected with Cara's and I could see the tears pooling behind her tough facade. Amber's words had cut her.

  Amber was looking for a reaction. That's all she wanted and I knew she wouldn't stop until she got one.

  Cara looked back to Amber. "You're not worth wasting my breath on, Amber. You want Cam that bad...he's yours. You two are perfect for each other anyway." My body winced in pain as the words came out of her mouth. Now she had cut me and I was bleeding in front of everyone.

  Cara turned to walk away but Amber wasn't done yet. "That's right, Cara. Walk away! Leave! You're good at that. You've seen the back of so many heads you're practically a pro." Cara stopped dead in her tracks. "You can't make anyone stay with you. First your father, then your high school boyfriend, even your unborn child couldn't stand to be inside you."

  I couldn't believe Amber said that. Cara turned around, tears streaming down her face. But she didn't look at Amber...she looked at me. Those fucking eyes of hers showed me every sliver of betrayal I bestowed upon her and I felt them like a million splinters sliding under my skin at once. She wrapped her arms around her body and her head fell as she turned away from me. The cocksucker took her in his arms and ushered her down the driveway.

  I felt Amber's cold fucking hands on my arm and my eyes shut tightly. "Come on, baby, let's go home."

  Rage fucking took over. It coursed through my veins, pricked at my skin. I couldn't believe what she had done. I ripped my arm from her grasp. "Don't fucking touch me, Amber."

  "Excuse me?" she exclaimed.

  "Do you not have a fucking heart? Or are you made completely of stone? That was the most fucked-up thing you could have said," I yelled at her.

  "Baby, I did that for us. She will never bother us again."

  "She wasn't bothering us to begin with!" I roared, pushing my hands through my hair. I was way too fucking drunk to deal with this shit right now. I looked up and saw Tess heading right for me, her jaw clenched. "Jesus...just go wait in the fucking car, Amber, while I try to clean up this fucking mess." I threw my keys at her
and pushed her away.

  I knew I was about to get a mouthful and I didn't know how I was going to handle it.

  "What the fuck was that, Cam?" Tessa barked, shoving me hard in the shoulder.

  I rubbed my brow and turned to face her. "I'm sorry. I don't know what Amber was thinking," I said, shaking my head in disbelief at what just happened.

  "I'm not talking about fucking Amber. She's a bitch and I know what she was doing. I'm talking about you!" Tess jabbed her finger into my chest. "You didn't even try to stop her. You just let her break Cara down and grind her into the pavement." She was in my face now, yelling and screaming.

  "Back up, Tess," I warned. But she didn't listen. She just took another step closer.

  "I thought you cared about her. How could you let this happen?" She was still shouting and my anger was rising. I didn't need this shit.

  "Get out of my fucking face!" I snapped, pushing my chest out and standing my ground.

  Blake pulled Tessa out of my space but she was quickly replaced by him. "Don't make me punch you, dude."

  "Oh, I'm scared now. Big, bad Blake to the rescue," I ridiculed sarcastically, the alcohol and anger taking over.

  Blake grabbed my shirt and wrenched back his fist. I wanted him to hit me. I deserved it.

  Come on Blake, do it!

  He pushed me and I stumbled backwards. "Go home, Cam," he ordered.

  I put my hands up defensively before I turned and walked back to my car, hating myself. Tessa was right.

  Why didn't I do something?

  Why couldn't I, for once, be the man Cara needed me to be?

  The last thing I wanted them to see was my tears. But they got what they wanted—they won.

  Amber had found a way to take all my insecurities, fears, and doubts and use them against me. I walked away from the party needing to be alone. I tried to stay strong for as long as I could but once Nolan laid me down in the comforts of my own bed, I broke. He didn't want to leave me alone but I begged him to. He kissed the top of my head. "I'll sleep on the couch, beautiful. If you need me just yell." He walked out of the room and closed the door softly behind him.

  Lying in the fetal position, I buried my face into my pillow. My body convulsed from the sobs ripping through my tightening chest. I couldn't stop. My heart was in agony.

  He just stood there. Just like Lance.

  I was eighteen all over again—small, insignificant and foolish.

  I couldn't believe he told her all the personal details of my past. He betrayed me, rocking my mind to the core and I hated him for it. Only I didn't hate him, I loved him, and that made everything worse. I cried until there were no tears left to shed before I finally drifted off to a restless sleep.

  My dreams were haunted by Cam—Cam kissing Amber, Cam touching Amber, Cam's silence. It was all there penetrating the darkest places in my mind until I couldn't take it anymore and I woke up screaming.

  Nolan came rushing into the room, scooping me up in his arms. Setting me on his lap he stroked my hair and back. "Shhh, Cara. It's just a dream...just a dream."

  But it wasn't just a dream. It was fucking real. Every ounce of pain, every tear, every word, and every second of silence...it was all real.

  Shutting my eyes tight, I forced the tears to stop. I wasn't going to let him do this to me. I refused. Pushing out of Nolan's arms I stood up and wiped the dampness from my face. "I'm hungry," I said as I grabbed some clothes from my dresser. "I want pancakes."

  Nolan stared at me like I had two heads. "Pancakes?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

  "Yes! But I want to shower first," I said, heading for the bathroom, my clothes in hand. I needed to wash away the hateful words that were still lingering on my skin.

  "Cara," he yawned, his hand going up to cover his mouth. "It's four in the morning."

  I pleaded with him silently, my thumb pressed between my lips. I needed to get out of here, I needed to forget, I needed a.....distraction. The word made the sting behind my eyes return.

  He stared at me while I contemplated giving in and letting the tears fall once more.

  "Denny's or Waffle House?" he asked me and I swallowed the threatening sobs down, smiling at him.

  "Waffle House," I told him before slipping into the bathroom.

  I stepped into the shower and tried to relax as the water cascaded down my face, chest and legs. But the longer I stood there the more I thought about Cam. I needed to sort out these feelings for him. I had to find a way to let him go. I didn't have a reason why I was still holding on to him, other than I loved him, but was that enough to keep putting myself through this? We would only continue to hurt each other and more blood was going to spill if one of us didn't pull out the blade—it was time to grasp the handle.

  I let the hot water beat down on me for what seemed like only moments when I heard Nolan's soft voice over the water. "Cara?"

  I jumped a little at his greeting. "Yeah," I murmured, still lost in thought.

  "Are you alright?" he asked cautiously, his voice getting louder as he walked further into the bathroom.

  "I'm fine, why?" I poked my head out from behind the curtain.

  "Well, I thought we were leaving but you've been in here for almost thirty minutes."

  I looked at my hand and it was wrinkled from the water.

  Had it really been that long?

  "Sorry," I said. "I'm being a pain in the ass, huh?" I shamefully looked down at the blue rug in front of my shower.

  "No, beautiful, you just had a rough night. No need to apologize." He leaned against the counter, his muscular arms flexing as he gripped the counter.

  My eyes drifted over the rest of his body. He was shirtless and the pair of black gym shorts he wore was hanging from his hips perfectly.

  How am I just now noticing this?

  I sucked in a sharp breath at the beautiful man before me—the man I didn't deserve. I knew what I was about to do crossed the line of selfish but it was what I needed.

  Opening the shower curtain all the way I stepped back into the water. Nolan's eyes filled with want as he took in the sight of me. He always looked at me with love and admiration, but I didn't need either of those right now—I needed lust.

  "Join me?" I asked.

  He pushed off the counter, never taking his eyes off of me. "I take it you don't want pancakes anymore?" he said, grinning.

  "They can wait. What I'm looking at looks way more delectable."

  He discarded his shorts and stepped into the spray of the water. His tanned skin glistened as streams flowed over his body. Gliding my hands over his chest, I looped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard—then his hands were everywhere. They floated across my back, down my sides, and around my stomach, landing on my breasts.

  "You are so beautiful," he whispered, trailing kisses down my neck.

  Closing my eyes I tilted my head, exposing more of my neck for him. His tongue traced my collarbone before he dipped down and flicked it across my nipple, making a shiver run down my spine. My breathing picked up, my sex aching as he continued to tease them with his mouth. Running my fingers through his hair I arched my back when his hand found my sex. Wasting no time he pushed two fingers inside me, making me cry out.

  Grabbing his length, I began to stroke him, the water making my hand glide smoothly over his delicate skin. His head fell back and he moaned while he pushed his hips into me. We tormented each other like this until we were both panting and grinding into each other trying to find some sort of relief.

  "I can't take this, Cara. I need to be inside you," he groaned as he picked me up, slamming his lips to mine.

  I wrapped my legs around him and held on to his neck. "Then do it," I said into his mouth with a playful smile.

  He turned us, pressing my back up against the wall. The cold tiles made my body tense up and I inhaled sharply as the contact sent chills throughout me. Before I could adjust to the chilly wall, he lifted me higher and then slid into me slowly and
gracefully.

  "Damn, you feel good," he said as his hands tightened around my backside.

  "Mm-hmm," I moaned in agreement. The sensation of him filling me made my toes curl and I could barely catch my breath.

  He took his time, pulling out and then gently pushing back into me, over and over again. I moved in sync with his movements but quickly became desperate for my release. "Faster, Nolan, make me come. I want to come," I uttered between my moans.

  "Anything for you, beautiful." And his speed increased. The sounds of our wet skin slapping together and our muffled cries were the only things I could hear as he drove me to my climax. So close.

  My animalistic needs took over and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and pulled him closer.

  "God, Cara." His deep voice filled my head. "Tell me you're mine. Tell me I own you."

  Five little words shattered my heart. Five little words killed a part of my soul.

  "This is only for you, baby. You own it, you own every inch of my body."

  The words I told Cam that night at my house rang in my ears. My body froze but Nolan didn't stop. He continued to move against me. Harder. Faster. Each thrust making a new tear fall from my eyes.

  As much as I wanted to pull out the knife that bound Cam and I together, I didn't know if I could. I didn't know if it was possible to let go of someone who owned your heart, body and soul. He was embedded in me. But I was going to do everything I could to try, if not for myself, for Nolan...for us.

  "She fucking said what?" Shay yelled, getting to her feet as she began to pace. "No, don't repeat it. Don't give that bitch the satisfaction." She cracked her knuckles like she was fighting the urge to hit something. "I'm going to beat her ass, Cara. You know this, right?"

  I couldn't contain my amusement and I started to laugh. Turning on my barstool I looked at her, tilting my head. "You know as well as I do, that isn't going to happen so stop working yourself up about it."

  Shay was not the fighting type. I mean, she was one of the toughest girls I knew and probably could throw a better punch than Kyle, but fighting just wasn't in her nature.